Phuket

It was already clear on the drive from the Phuket airport ("Poo-ket" not "Fu-ket") that we were not in Singapore anymore. The drive was actually similar to how Puerto Vallarta, Mexico looks. An okay highway with few street lights, tropical vegetation, concrete buildings some incomplete with metal rebar rods going up into the air another 6 feet, and white-knuckle taxi driving. We landed to Phuket fairly late due to a flight delay and we were all exhausted. About 60% into our trip, our taxi driver pulled off the main freeway and into a dark alleyway. My first thought was that we were about to be robbed, but before I could prepare an attack on the driver, we pulled into a travel agency. A cheery woman rushed out of the store and opened the sliding van door "HELLO, and welcome to Phuket." Our bleary tired eyes stared at her in confusion and anger. She continued "So you where are you from? You have hotel? You want go on boat trip?" My mom was too polite and started answering her questions, but I couldn't take it. "I'm sorry, we are really tired and just want to go to our hotel." That seem to do the trick as she shut the door, and our driver moseyed back out to the van after finishing his free soda from the travel agency. It was unclear whether the driver had a separate agreement with the travel agency and got money or if the taxi company requires all drivers to stop there. Either way it was annoying. Luckily our hotel was nice physically (service was unusually bad for Thailand but won't get into that here).

Although the physical beauty of Phuket was stunning, the infrastructure reminded you that you were in an emerging economy. Take a look at these power lines:

This is how they distribute gasoline to the armies of motorcycles. Often times the gasoline was in old rum bottles. It seemed highly unregulated and I could see some of these distributors diluting the gasoline with something cheaper to make a profit.

We decided to stay in Karon Beach ("care-OHN"), which is the second most developed beach after Patong. This ended up being a great choice as the vibe in Karon is pretty laid back with one main street along the beach with restaurants, hotels, and market stalls. When we went to Patong, it was absolute chaos. In particular one street called Bangla Street is like a real-life manifestation of the Internet. The street is about 3 blocks long and lined by clubs and bars the whole way. As you walk down, people block your view with menus. But the menus are not for restaurants, they are for sex shows. It says things like ping-pong show, balloon show, dart show, sex show, etc... I did not ask for details. You have to show no interest and if there is any doubt in your eyes or you even glance at the menu, they will persist 2-3 times as long. It is like you are browsing the Internet and constantly being pestered by pop-up ads.

As you walk down the street the clubs have scantily clad girls (I mean girls, not women, some of them looked to be of very questionable age), wearing heels and pole-dancing on raised platforms to try to entice customers to enter the "establishment". There were also groups of prostitutes standing on the side of the street trying to stare down potential customers. You had to be very careful where you were looking all the while trying not to get pick-pocketed as the street was very crowded and people were constantly bumping into us. My Spidey instincts definitely kicked in and I was constantly checking to make sure my wallet was still there (front pocket of course). When we got to the end of the street I realized that I had been so preoccupied leading the group and deflecting sex menus, that I hadn't really even looked at my surroundings much. So we decided to walk back and I tried to take in the crazy surroundings of sex selling, gun rentals, alcohol and lights. I would definitely NOT recommend Patong as a place to stay for a family. There were also a number of creepy older single men who appeared to be in Thailand for sex tourism. It really is sad to see these young girls forced into this position. Despite the description, I think everyone needs to see this street once.

Across Thailand you find massage parlors on a spectrum of sketchiness from the ultra sketchy in Patong where it says "NO SEX" on the door in giant letters (if you have to write it, it probably means you do it), to the professional massage parlor next to our hotel in Karon Beach. One of the more interesting attractions of these massage parlors are the fish tanks they have in front for foot pedicures. The basic idea is that you starve a bunch of fish and the only food they get is the dry flakes of skin on peoples' feet. We decided to give it a try:

Here's a close up picture of the fish doing their magic. My dad never had a pedicure in his life, so when he put his feet in the water the fish went crazy! His feet were so delicious that my mom's feet (in the same tank) were completely ignored by the fish and she was forced to move to a separate tank because she couldn't compete. For 15 minutes my dad had about 200 fish on each foot to the point that you couldn't even see his foot. After he emerged, his feet looked like cute pink baby feet. It was incredible.

The massage parlors are very cheap. Here are some standard prices we observed in Karon Beach for an hour massage:
Thai Massage: 300 baht (US$10)
Pedicure: 200 baht (US$7)
Shoulder and back massage: 400 baht (US$13)
Sports massage: 500 baht (US$17)
Foot massage: 300 baht (US$10)

At these prices, we felt obliged to get a massage every day. How can you not? Although, as we quickly learned, a Thai massage is not what you normally associate with a massage. It is not a calm, relaxing activity. It is a little Thai women doing jiu jitsu on your body in a quest to make every bone and joint pop and crack. At one point, the lady was standing on my hamstring and shifting her wait back and forth from one foot to the other. My dad had a woman walking across his back. The entire hour of massage is twisting you and contorting you into a variety of positions with you praying that the women doesn't break you. If they find a knot in your back or muscles, they will relentlessly go after it. After an hour of battle, you are rewarded with a water and allowed to sit in a reclining chair. You do genuinely feel better afterwards, but the journey is not as relaxing as you might expect. The second day we all opted for a foot massage as we weren't ready to face another session of Thai massage. I can only imagine in horror the pain of a sports massage. No one in our group was brave enough to order one.

Christmas Eve dinner at hotel. Probably the cheesiest event I have ever seen with a 70 year old Thai guy playing hits from the 70's & 80's on a guitar with an electric piano track.

On Christmas day, we decided to go to Phi Phi Islands. Here is a map to give you an idea of where Phuket is in relation to Bangkok, and where the Phi Phi ("Pee pee" not "Fi Fi") islands are in relation to Phuket. The star is where our hotel was in Karon Beach. These islands are famous for a couple of movies including James Bond: The Man with the Golden Gun, The Beach staring Leonardo DiCaprio, and the Oscar winning Hang Over 2.

The boat tour to Phi Phi costs about $130 for the best company on Trip Advisor and consists of 20 people in a speed boat with twin 250 HP engines, a captain, a tour guide, and 2 crew. Here is the schedule:

6:00 am: Pick-up from hotel

7:00 - 8:00: Arrive at docks, have breakfast, registration, briefing, depart

9:00: Arrive at first island (Bamboo Island)

10:00: Snorkling and monkey beach

11:00-12:00: Lunch (included)

12:00-1:00 Maya Beach

1:00-2:00: Snorkling again

2:00-3:00: Swimming and jumping off boat into Bay

4:00: Arrive back at docks

5:00: Arrive back to hotel

It's a very full day and when you get back you are exhausted. It also doesn't help if someone in your group has food poisoning from Christmas Eve dinner at the hotel and is vomiting the first half of the day. Here are some pictures to give a sense of the physical beauty of the location. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been.